Obituaries

Ti Todieu蘇府姚七姐夫人
B: 1940-03-10
D: 2017-12-13
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Todieu蘇府姚七姐夫人, Ti
Annie Nguyễn阮府蔡友菁夫人
B: 1947-09-20
D: 2017-12-07
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Nguyễn阮府蔡友菁夫人, Annie
Thoai Tran陳府連瑞鑾夫人
B: 1933-11-24
D: 2017-12-05
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Tran陳府連瑞鑾夫人, Thoai
Chung Chan 伍府陳春芳夫人
B: 1922-10-03
D: 2017-11-27
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Chan 伍府陳春芳夫人, Chung
An Chau 周兆昌先生
B: 1927-06-06
D: 2017-11-25
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Chau 周兆昌先生, An
LE ZHONG 鍾關樂先生
B: 1937-08-08
D: 2017-11-18
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ZHONG 鍾關樂先生, LE
Shien Shen邝府冼靜贤夫人
B: 1939-07-19
D: 2017-11-14
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Shen邝府冼靜贤夫人, Shien
Phuong Chung 李府鍾翠芳夫人
B: 1932-05-15
D: 2017-11-10
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Chung 李府鍾翠芳夫人, Phuong
Chi Mai 麥熾松先生
B: 1938-09-09
D: 2017-10-30
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Mai 麥熾松先生, Chi
Ling Huang黄灵洽先生
B: 1950-06-10
D: 2017-10-30
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Huang黄灵洽先生, Ling
Rosalind Ting MD 丁亦鸣 醫生-教授
B: 1920-04-18
D: 2017-10-27
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Ting MD 丁亦鸣 醫生-教授, Rosalind
Yong Zheng 鄭永泉先生
B: 1955-05-08
D: 2017-10-19
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Zheng 鄭永泉先生, Yong
Xing Wu甄府伍氏杏琼夫人
B: 1956-08-08
D: 2017-10-17
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Wu甄府伍氏杏琼夫人, Xing
James Phung 馮炎坤先生
B: 1930-12-05
D: 2017-10-10
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Phung 馮炎坤先生, James
Yok Moy 梅若新先生
B: 1947-04-09
D: 2017-09-27
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Moy 梅若新先生, Yok
Guo Fu 阮府傅国芳夫人
B: 1953-11-12
D: 2017-09-25
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Fu 阮府傅国芳夫人, Guo
Xiu Wu李府伍秀娟夫人
B: 1935-01-21
D: 2017-09-16
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Wu李府伍秀娟夫人, Xiu
Ran Tan 潭然先生
B: 1923-10-09
D: 2017-09-13
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Tan 潭然先生, Ran
Zhe Jiang江柘舟先生
B: 1946-01-18
D: 2017-09-04
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Jiang江柘舟先生, Zhe
Sing Lai 黎成基先生
B: 1931-02-06
D: 2017-08-31
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Lai 黎成基先生, Sing
Jin Chen 陈錦新先生
B: 1936-08-26
D: 2017-08-30
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Chen 陈錦新先生, Jin

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Grieving with Purpose

No one is prepared for grief. The rush of feelings, the thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, when we choose to harness that power for self-growth, amazing things can happen. Good can come from pain.

Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues.

Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:

  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To process the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased
  4. To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life

Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not a straight one.

Dealing with grief is hard work. It takes both courage and hard work to successfully adapt to the loss of a significant person in your life.

Six Signposts Along Your Journey

Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate posttraumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "posttraumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."

Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:

  • You are not on your own
  • Trauma is a normal and natural process
  • Growth is a journey

He also provides a fundamental rule: don't do anything you might not be able to handle now. "If you experience intense emotions, become physically upset, or begin to panic...stop." He gently reminds readers that "having a sense of personal control over your recovery is important. There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change."

Sign Post #1: Taking Stock
Are you physically well? Are you getting enough sleep and eating the right foods for optimum health? Have you received the kind of medical, legal, or psychological help you need? What is your current condition: physically, spiritually, and emotionally?

Sign Post #2: Harvesting Hope
People traumatized by loss often feel hopeless. It's hard to get up in the mourning and thinking about the future sparks pessimism and negativity. Find inspiration in the stories of personal growth written by others; set goals and practice hope as you set out to achieve them.

Sign Post #3: Re-Authoring
Learn to tell your story differently. Take the victim mentality out of the story of loss you tell yourself and others and replace it with the word survivor to return to a sense of control over your life.

Sign Post #4: Identifying Change
Keeping a daily diary can help you to see the small changes within more easily. You can also track those moments when you feel at your best and identify the conditions that brought them about. Identify and nurture the positive changes in your life throughout your bereavement journey.

Sign Post #5: Valuing Change
Review these changes, identifying the ones that you'd like to continue to nurture. Personal transformation requires it. Growth is encouraged when we take time to think about what we have gained from loved ones and when we find a way to use what we have learned to give to others.

Sign Post #6: Expressing Change in Action
Express your growth in new behaviors or, more simply, put your growth into action. When you think in terms of concrete actions, it helps make the growth experienced within your bereavement real to you.

"By focusing on these six signposts," writes Dr. Joseph, "you will find that your posttraumatic growth is beginning to take root."

Sources: 
Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metaphyschology and Other Works.
Worden, James. Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner

Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth